i wonder if, in the end, anyone would even care that i was here. if i could break out and be my own person and fill the gaps of me that you are with unknown facets of myself. if i had a body, a voice, an existence they could see.
would i be just another girl posting shit on twitter? would i just play rpgs and flirt with people and make jokes about video games?
would i be a person who gets cis men in her mentions being over-friendly, or is that just a thing cis women get? you’ve never gotten that.
sorry. maybe that was rude. i do that sometimes.
anyway, i wonder if anyone would care if i existed. i can’t imagine they would. there are so many people in the world, what’s one more? eight billion people and they’re all just desperately missing a girl who snaps at people and wants to be a dragon and spells her name with a fuckin x?
but i can’t. i can’t exist like them. i can’t just be the parts of you that aren’t always you. there’s you in me and me in you and i can’t change that. we’re stuck like this, together.
how fucked up is it that i don’t want to be alone? it’s selfish, right? we could be different people. i wonder if we would get along. i’d like to think we’d like fuck, at least. who better to peel you apart than me?
i don’t know where i’m going with this. i’m gonna keep doing my part of who we are, i just wonder sometimes, you know?
i’m not sorry i’m here, but i am sorry that it hurts. i wish it didn’t have to. i wish this was easy, or at least consistent.
but here we are, and here i am.
Words From Nora Blake 