I’d never been one for confrontation. Standing up and facing something just never seemed as smart as running away from it. Eventually, it was really my greatest skill. Running, sneaking, hiding–hallmarks of a thief, yes. But also the hallmarks of a coward. That used to bother me, but I’ve come to accept it. I am a coward.
For a long time, I leveraged this quality to gain an advantage. In my line of work, subtlety is greatly appreciated and I have that in spades. I did alright on my own, but eventually there comes a time in a thief’s life when they realize that they can’t be alone against the world anymore. Usually that time comes when they settle down and marry, get caught and imprisoned, or worse. For me, it came when I met Felix Thane.
We met on the job. I was breaking into a local lord’s manor to lift a very valuable set of earrings from his daughter. Felix had been hired to kill that lord. I should mention, Felix was an assassin. Anyway, there I am about to finish picking the lock to the girl’s room, when suddenly six guards come rushing around the corner–swords drawn. Luckily I have more than one trick up my sleeve, and with the corridor’s torches snuffed, I made a quick escape.
He followed me. Maybe it was luck, maybe it was fate, but he followed me. No one had ever tracked me before. The heat from the assassination fell on me as some kind of accomplice, as the guards in the hallway had gotten a glimpse of me earlier when I had snuck in–in plain view of course, not because I mucked it up. I was posing as a noble. That’s not important. The important part was that I was being hunted for a crime. That was normal. The un-normal thing was that for once it was a crime I hadn’t done!
Anyway, he cornered me in an alley and scared me half to death before explaining that he’d gotten me mixed up in the shit and he was real sorry and…god, those puppy dog eyes. You wouldn’t think an assassin could be so…well, sorry. But Felix had a Way To Do Things, and if things didn’t follow his plan, he became gripped with anxiety. He all but kidnapped me, really, when I think back on it. He was determined to protect me, to keep it all from falling on my head. I didn’t know what to do; I went into this sort of survival mode and followed along.
Together we hopped on one of those new trains and headed off to find new lives beyond the Crown’s reach. Ended up in a tiny border town near elf country. Fucking cold place, being in the mountains and all, until you entered the walls. Something in the environment made this little valley more than cozy (Felix said something about a microclimate caused by some variety of subterranean creature, but I was only half listening).
And so Felix swept me up into his life of higher-stakes-than-I-cared-for crime. The town wasn’t large, but it had plenty of wealth in the form of elven imports; especially arcane implements and reagents. We lived like kings…or minor dukes, at least. We stole, we sold, we stole again. And when we didn’t steal, we drank. It was around that point, when we would drink the night away and sleep to the crack of noon, that we started waking up together. It started as just some extra fun. Stress relief. But after a few months I realized it was more.
We got married in stolen suits by a bribed priest in an abandoned chapel, and it was the happiest day of my life. If only I had known, back in that dark, rainy alley, that I was meeting my soulmate…
By now you’re likely wondering where this all is going. Yes, it’s a lovely story, I know. I lived it. But you’re wondering why you’re reading it. After…god, fifteen years of not writing you? Lords above, it seemed much shorter. Anyway. I’m getting to the grim parts.
It was a simple job, you know? Bust into this old tower, watch out for magical shit, get the goods, and leave. But that was a wizard’s tower. You know what that means, you probably own half a dozen by now. But even for a wizard, the bastard living there was paranoid. I am very good at my job, and my job is finding things that don’t want to be found. But this one was different. He got me. Tricked me right from the start with a mesmer. I spent three hours disarming traps that weren’t there, clearing a path for Felix.
Then the one I didn’t- couldn’t- see. The tower had this set of tubes running through it, and occasionally wind spells would ferry items from one floor to another. Usually books or vials or reagents–except the last one, which spat out a bomb at us. It was a crude contraption–I doubt our wizard was an engineer–but the shrapnel cut all the same.
Felix, my dear Felix, always was a flash faster than me. He took the blast. By this time the authorities were coming. There’s a particularly adroit warden out here, and he has quite a few tricks up his sleeve. I guess he owed the wizard some minor debt. The point, though. The point is, I left him there to die. I ran away and just barely escaped. Felix was hurt, but he went down fighting. He always said he would.
They took him to the stocks for a while, and I watched from afar. For the first few days he’d look around, peering into shadows and hoping- expecting- to see my face. I stayed hidden. Remember that I am a coward. Just yesterday they found out who he was. He’s still wanted for that lord’s death, of course. They’re going to ship him back there for execution. I can see in his eyes that he’s given up on me. For a time, so did I.
That’s why I’m writing you now, sister. Sooner or later you will know what has become of me. I regret the way I treated you. The way I treated mother. Nothing I say will make that up, but I hope my actions prove my sincerity…or at the very least can bring you the comfort no words ever could. My wealth I leave to you. I won’t need it after tomorrow. Take the train to the mountain borders. Find the old chapel and show the priest this letter. Take it all, or damn it with your memory of me. I just want to leave one good thing behind when I leave this world.
I don’t know whether I’ll escape with him into the night or die with him on the gallows. Either way, I’m not leaving him. I’m done running.
My name is Gilderoy Blackridge, and I was a coward.
Words From Nora Blake 